19th July, 2009 mark two months since Snoopy became bedridden. It has been a most challenging time for me and for Snoopy himself. I am not proud to say that I have lost my temper numerous times, cursed and swore every minute of the day. It is so tough taking care of him round the clock. I haven't stepped out of the house except to visit the vet with Snoopy.
It has been a very frustrating time, probably the kind of frustration I felt when Dino could not walk for two months due to some mysterious illness or pain but that was about three years ago and besides the fact that Dino did not walk for two months, I have forgotten the minor details like how he cried throughout the night or soiled himself with shit and urine in the middle of the night. Isn't it true that people have short memories?
Whatever... this is the here and now. This is what I am living with now. No, it's not Marley and Me. That's just a movie. This is for real. I am living it. Nobody would understand the pain that I am going through. No, not physical pain but the pain of taking care of a pet whom I brought up since he was three weeks old. Snoopy is not just a pet to me. Even with all the medical problems that he faced these two months from pissing blood to passing pus to pressure sores, I cannot bring myself to put him to sleep.
Sometimes I feel helpless. Like the pus in his stools and blood in his urine and pressure sores on his limbs, these are actually not his problem but mine. I have failed to take care of him; failed him terribly.
My friend, Andy, asked me how long I can last like this. Honestly, I do not know. I pray to God not for a cure for Snoopy but for strength to see this through. It's been difficult, made even more difficult by the fact that I cannot share this grieve with anyone. Nobody wants to listen to something like this. Nobody would care because they don't know Snoopy and most of all, nobody wants his/her day spoilt by something like this. After all, this is my problem and not theirs.
It has been a very frustrating time, probably the kind of frustration I felt when Dino could not walk for two months due to some mysterious illness or pain but that was about three years ago and besides the fact that Dino did not walk for two months, I have forgotten the minor details like how he cried throughout the night or soiled himself with shit and urine in the middle of the night. Isn't it true that people have short memories?
Whatever... this is the here and now. This is what I am living with now. No, it's not Marley and Me. That's just a movie. This is for real. I am living it. Nobody would understand the pain that I am going through. No, not physical pain but the pain of taking care of a pet whom I brought up since he was three weeks old. Snoopy is not just a pet to me. Even with all the medical problems that he faced these two months from pissing blood to passing pus to pressure sores, I cannot bring myself to put him to sleep.
Sometimes I feel helpless. Like the pus in his stools and blood in his urine and pressure sores on his limbs, these are actually not his problem but mine. I have failed to take care of him; failed him terribly.
My friend, Andy, asked me how long I can last like this. Honestly, I do not know. I pray to God not for a cure for Snoopy but for strength to see this through. It's been difficult, made even more difficult by the fact that I cannot share this grieve with anyone. Nobody wants to listen to something like this. Nobody would care because they don't know Snoopy and most of all, nobody wants his/her day spoilt by something like this. After all, this is my problem and not theirs.
1 comments:
I know exactly how you are feeling. Stay strong for it. As long you tried your best, that's all that matters. *hug*
Post a Comment